Knowing the Heart of God

The heart of God can seem to be a very obscure and elusive mystery at times. The depths of the knowledge and love of God are endless and eternal. I love how Jeremiah 33:3 says, 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' This is a promise that He CAN and WILL be found out, if only we inquire of Him.

At some point in our lives, most of us find ourselves in the desert place; the wilderness season of the soul. I know I've had my fair share of north winds and have found myself admittedly bewildered and disillusioned while being spun around in my shade of gray. Sometimes life isn't as simple as black and white. Sometimes we are left in the dense fog, grasping and searching for God. These are the times I ask of the Lord, "What is this? What are you doing?" fully knowing that He has not abandoned me in my longing and need of Him. And even in those times when He stands far off, silently watching and waiting to see what is in my heart, I know He will reveal himself to me eventually, and it will all be worth it, these temporary struggles and trials.

Personally, I find it difficult to discern God's heart when I'm in the midst of something so "thick" I can't see my own hand, even if placed in front of my face. In fact, it's almost impossible to know where to tread when you can not see the path before you. Sometimes I'm forced to stand still for lack of insight and direction. Other times I'm only allowed enough visibility to take one minor step at a time. It's all in His hands and it's all in His heart, the plans He has for me. It's my obligation to trust that He is good and His heart toward me is love. Perfected love casts out all fear.

I would love to tell you that I have 100% discernment and understanding of the things that God has allowed in my life and the things that I wrestle with now. However, I do not. The Lord has shared a few things with me as to why particular events happened and why circumstances unfolded the way they have over my lifetime. But, for the most part, my questions are not satisfied with concrete answers that add up to make perfect sense. My questions are satisfied with Him. There are a few things that I know that I know. Most things I have no clue about. But the one thing that is not questionable in my life is the Lord's love for me. Even when I feel foolish and in the dark, unable to know what my next move is, I am certain He loves me. Even when I feel there is nothing in my life that is stable or promised, He is. Even when I am not able to discern the move of God in my life, whether it is purposefully intended that way by Him or due to my lack of understanding, I can always discern his heart for me… and it is good. This should be enough for me. This is what it means to trust, I believe. This is what I am learning. Whatever comes, it is intended for my good because the Lord is for me, not against me. And I can know His heart. I can also know His plans, if he desires to trust me with them. But even when I do not know, when the unknown feels scary and unfamiliar, I can rest in the fact that I know the. It is always bleeding love for me and that's enough to see me through.