Relevance as a second Language

In my life, there are a fistful of core goals that I pray I will accomplish. Of course, this is a very condensed capsule and it consists mostly of intangible elements that serve to propel me in the direction I want to go. At the center of that core is my relationship with the God of the Universe; the uncreated One. Metaphorically and spatially speaking, my God is the sun that I revolve around; the constant, unmovable, immeasurable foundation of all things. Then circling around that are these other valuable and pertinent factors in my life that carry great weight, especially as it pertains to my ability to function and evolve as a fearfully and wonderfully made being. Plainly stated, there are obviously some things that are more important than others. Those more important things I hold very close to me, by the grace and "gravitational pull" of God.

Being a relevant human being in a helplessly irrelevant world is one of my highest priorities, this side of eternity. It has always been a devastating issue for me, honestly, to think that my life, my purpose, my ideas are not relevant to others. I have a longing to impact life, here and now, as well as life everlasting. To be swept aside and dismissed is maddening, in my mind. To be living a life that speaks nothing to anyone is one of my worst fears. I don't want to be rationalized away one day, leaving others to try and make sense of the hodge-podge remnants of my indiscretions in life. I desire substance and focus. I desire to be relevant.

I am a Biography Channel junkie. I am hopelessly curious as to the story behind the person. On many occasions I have asked myself the loaded question, "If my life was aired on the Biography channel, what would it say?" My life has a voice. It speaks its very own language. I want it to be fluent with beautiful and comprehensive human dynamic. I want relevance to be my second language.

Recently I watched a biography about an artist. He was deeply troubled and disturbed and of course his art reflected as much. His life was being played out for me, scene after scene, image after image; the sum of all his parts, condensed into a mere hour. A series of interviews peppered the program, encouraging past companions to retell his failures and successes. To say he was eccentric is an understatement. Perhaps tortured is a just description. His life was obscure. He spent most of it isolated in his own warped ideology. When you add up the gross inconsistencies and the failed attempts at forging a name on society, I see a man lost in his own abstractness. His life seemed inadmissible. This is not to say that his life had no meaning or that he was not cherished or loved by those dear to him. But being weighed against something as vast as eternity, I believe he fell miserably short. His life, his art, his inspiration led you to nothingness. It offered no hope. It gave no explanation. It lacked significance. I racked my brain, struggling to find something inside of me that could relate to him, to his cause…to his pain, even. His ideas spun me in circles. In fact, they haunt me for lack of reason.

I have an innate desire in me to know and be fully known. Being made in the likeness of Christ, this is no surprise to me as this is also the Father's desire. I believe this man also wanted to be known; his ideas, his aspirations, the corridors of his dark heart. However, my assessment and assumption is that he had little or no understanding of himself because he did not know the One who created him. It's no wonder his ideas were perverse, demented and inconsequential. That is at best what our finite minds conjure up. In light of God's wisdom, we squirm in our foolishness. As the program ran its credits, I felt a muddy mix of emotions. I felt embarrassed to be human. I felt relieved to know God. I felt the distance between my thoughts and His. I felt the need to pray. I prayed for a life that would be understood and that would add up in the end. I prayed that my life would equal something. I prayed it would translate into something coherent and applicable. And in so many words, I prayed to be relevant