Testimony Time! Pop a squat.

To catch "everybody" up, the newspaper asked me to take over the religious column a couple of months ago. This was very exciting and intimidating to me. I was flattered since a pastor usually writes this story but...a pastor I am not. Anyhow, it's every other week now and I'm trying to get in the flow of that. My life is very full and being able to capture thoughts that make sense and minister to others can be difficult for me, to say the least. It's truly been the Lord's prompting and doing thus far. I am at His mercy.

Um...one really super duper thing that has recently happened is that I have totally gone off some medication that I have been on for almost 5 years now. I have a heart condition called Mitral Valve Prolapse and it causes trouble for me at times, or at least it has in the past. In fact, I was on 3 different medications for a very long lenght of time. One was an antidepressant to control panic attacks, which is what came when we found out about the heart condition. The other was a mild tranquilizer that I took 2 times a day, for anxiety and muscle fatigue, etc. (Used to have trouble just chewing food, as my muscles would tucker out and burn with fatigue) And then a beta blocker was the other pill I took, to regulate my blood pressure and keep me from feeling like I was going to pass out. It also helped a lot to relieve me of the palpitations and that sort of thing. Anyhow...today I am totally free of ALL of that medication as the Lord is healing my body :) This is actually a really, really big deal for me and a miracle. I don't want to make less of it because it's such a gigantic blessing to me that this compassionate God has mercy on those who suffer and have pain in this life. I have been medicine free for about 10 days now after slowly weaning off of them over a month's time. Let me tell you the story behind my healing.
First of the year a dear brother in our church congregation shared that he was diagnosed with cancer. It was devestating to hear but he shared with so much grace and hope in his voice. He actually brought the body a word from the Lord, and I received it that morning as God spoke it personally to my heart. He said that the Lord was sharing w/him that his healing would come in the form of a seed. That if he would plant himself in fertile soil (making reference to the church and the International House of Prayer) then his healing would begin to break forth. The Lord spoke to my heart concerning the prayer house here in town (that I've been involved with for 9 years now) and spoke that it was time for me to "officially" plant myself in His house as an intercessory missionary. I knew that I was the seed and that He was asking me to bury myself, in the hidden place of prayer and meditation. I agreed in my heart, even saying that if my job was extended (my job at DaySpring doing design...which I TOTALLY LOVED) I would say no and persue Him in prayer. He marked my heart that morning. Anyhow, we had a season of prayer for our sick brother as he was facing a biopsy surgery and an exploratory-type surgery in his lymphnodes, looking for more cancer in the throat. Over the course of about 2 weeks or less, he had the surgery only to be told by the doctor who has done this type of surgery for 25 years, that he did NOT have cancer, in the biopsy that was removed or anywhere else in his throat. He said he's done thousands of these types of surgeries and that was only the 2nd time somebody has NOT had cancer. Said people don't make it to the cutting table if they don't have cancer. He even said it was a miracle :0) Praise God! He came back to share and I just knew...God was going to heal me as well. This man was just the first fruit of what God can do and is WILLING to do. He is a healer!

So, after the Lord spoke to me during that service I began to cut my meds. I knew going off of them cold turkey would make me ill, as I've tried a number of times before to do this. I have only made it 1 1/2 days before my body began to have panic attack after panic attack and eventually it just shut down. I wouldn't be able to speak or move. I would be bed-ridden for at least an entire day. It was awful and very discouraging. So I knew going off of it slowly would be wise. Also, when a seed is planted, it doesn't bloom the next day. It takes root, it reaches deep for nutrients in the soil. It grows hidden for a time, and then it breaks forth from the ground with a fragile bud of faith. And then we know the rest. It blooms. This is exactly how it felt for me. I was doing the fundamental things of faith by moving forward with splitting my pills, adding supplements to my diet, watching what I was eating/drinking/etc., and thanking God for healing me. I was doing my part and trusting Him to do His part when the time came. You see...there will most likely come a day when I am not able to access medical care because of the state of the world. I have always known that the Lord would have to heal me, either now or later. I'm just glad it's now and not later :0) So slowly I dealt with the withdrawl effects of coming off of Zoloft, which also has a half life so, even when you don't take it, you have some time before it's truly out of your system. I could feel the changes in my body. My hands and feet started to turn blue again, like they did before I took the medication. I had severe vertigo and light-headedness. I was so dizzy I was nauseated. And I had massive spells of fatigue, where I felt literally drugged. I was concerned about driving while I was this tired because it was a sleep that I couldn't fight. I would pass out drooling...lovely. But it passed and I started to cry a lot and feel a lot of things that the antidepressants hadn't allowed me to feel. I could tell I was "coming back" in a sense but I felt very fragile though I was hopeful. And then one specific Saturday night while at the prayer house we prayed for healing. God touched my body that night and by faith I received my healing. I knew it was never going to be the same, my struggle that is. And then I got the flu. LOL! And I felt so bad that I didn't know what was the medication and what was the virus. It was awful, awful, awful. Tim had 4 infections on top of flu and it hit overnight. Everybody got something to some degree but, Tim and I were hit the hardest. But, by grace we bounced back (though I am STILL coughing...annoying) and we're good to go now :) And...I haven't had any meds since and I feel really good about it. There are still some things that I used to struggle with that are coming back like the glare at night when I drive and seeing flashes of light, that sort of thing. Very strange things that are more annoying than disturbing to me. But, it's a seed...and it's a process...and it's amazing that the Lord has brought me thus far, without a single panic attack!!!!! And let me tell you, this has been a VERY stressful season for us. One of the most financially taxing times we've ever experienced in our 11 years of marraige, amongst other things. And the Lord has me cool and steady. Ha! I realize that right there is the miracle. It's like I'm just walking through this chaos and a thousand fall to one side and ten thousands to my other, and I'm just fine. Psalm 91 is coming alive. There are tears but, they are as worship before the Lord. They are not being wasted. Anyhow...this is where I've been. Maybe that's why I haven't been blogging much. Too busy livin' it.So...now I'm at the prayer house and I'm loving being able to give myself permission to "waste" my life in prayer and worship. Something I have longed for for so long and now it's here. Just in time, too. And my job was extended and so that was a real test, turning down money and opportunity, but God is my reward and my favor and so I know that He will continue to lead me into open spaces and prosperous plains. I must trust Him because I am sunk if I don't. He kind of sets it up that way I think.
There are other things but they are best left in my heart for now :0) Perhaps when the clarity is full there...Oh, and I'm off of coffee too! I never thought the day would come. I don't wake up and have coffee every morning anymore :( Kind of miss it actually but I'm not quite back to craving it yet. I'm sure it'll be back eventually but for now, I'm a hot tea girl. Got to have a hot drink, somehow. But coffee is not good for my heart and for my circulation so...out it goes! Ok, now THAT trumps all other miracles. If you know me you know how much I love my coffee. Perhaps a bit of decaf here and there. We'll see...