Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Keep Me Needy (March 12th, 2008 article to come)

You guys get a sneak preview. Lucky bummers, man.

I felt the Lord murmur something to my heart Saturday evening, He said, “You need the needy as much as they need you.” The words sundered my heart and quickly brought low my haughty ideas of what it means to be a minister of Christ. I hung my head in shame as I realized that I’d appraised my life in such a self-righteous way. I have many times thought that my job was to repair and repurpose those in my life who seemed impoverished or helpless; almost assuming that I had my act together and my role was to swoop in and rescue those that could not do for themselves what was needed. And all the while there I was, laboring selflessly, (or so I believed) giving all that I had to those who had less than me, whether it was spiritually, financially or emotionally. But the Lord saw differently. He saw beyond my transparent ideas of service. He exposed my need forthe destitute, making sure to elaborate on how poor I really was. The Holy Spirit began pointing out to me a handful of scenarios where I was foolish enough to think that whatever I was faced with, be it a difficult situation that required all of my attention or resources, or a friend in desperation, that I had indeed perceived it to be a partisan affair. As if the trial had little or nothing to do with me but was simply another serving opportunity. I admit that I’ve been self-righteous in my heart at times, thinking that I was the only one giving and doing and laboring. When all along God was trying to show me that these things were intended just as much for me as they were for the people whose lives I was touching. It’s meant to flow both ways; the ministry of hearts. This type of wisdom really scrambles my brain all while revealing the junk in my heart. I spent much of the next day rehashing all of the “needy” people that have ebbed and flowed in and out of my life over the last decade. I recalled the occasions where I was the one who was contrite in spirit; some even being terribly recent. And then I repented before Him for my pride. The Lord was faithful to show me a handful of scenarios where He had done a greater work in my own heart, even more so than the miracles done in the heart of the broken one He had sent to me. Who was I to assume that God could not answer my prayers for fellowship with Him through a crushed spirit? He reminded me of the seasons that I cried out, “Lord, make me more like you!” with reckless sincerity of heart. And He was faithful to hear my prayers. He was faithful to answer them. He was faithful to make me more like Him, in righteousness and selflessness. He has given me the greatest answer to prayer. He’s given me the needy. And with that He has given me the key to the very heart of the Father. May I be trustworthy, Lord, to minister and to be ministered to. Keep me teachable and pliable. Continue to reveal the depths of my heart before the luminance of yours. And under my breath, I pray…”keep me needy.”


The Shan said...

TABBITHA! I just found this blog on Shelleys. YEAH! It is SO beautiful. I can't get over the tiles in your background and of course your lovely picture!
You're writing is so scholarly. What a gift you have. So amazing. This will be easier for me to get to than Myspace(I'm out of the habit of it)
What you are talking about has been on my mind lately too. I wasn't really raised to care for the needy and it doesn't come entirely naturally for me(hideous to admit). I have a heart for little needy people but it doesn't reach well to the adults yet. Jesus wants me to work on this. :(

Tabbitha said...

Shanno :) You are so sweet and generous. I'm such a scab :P Not so much scholarly but it's good to know that you can be fooled. he he he...Grown up needy people are most difficult for me, especially when they're the ones destroying their own lives. Hard to love people who don't know how to love themselves, or worse yet, love themselves a BIT too much. Most of the time I want to say, "Suck it up!" or "That's life" or, "Thank God you weren't born into my family" or...ok, last one was a bit off. Love you much!

WendyJanelle said...

Being needy makes us great candidates for grace, doesn't it? :-)

I just found you through Shelley, too. GIRL, you have got to let us know when you compile everything in one blog!! I can't keep up with the cafe, and I really like my own blogspot more. And you have me on your blogroll! Next time comment so I can follow you back!! tsk, tsk. ;-)