Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Mama's Boy

August 8th, 2007

I saw a preview the other day for a movie that addresses a mother’s obsession with her son. I quickly identified myself as one of those mothers, but not in a plot-my-future-daughter-in-law’s-demise kind of way. More like an I-have-three-girls-and-this-little-boy has-brought-me-redemption kind of way. I like to think I’ve not gone off the deep end yet, anyway. However, I suppose I am just one girlfriend away from a psychotic episode. All in due time…So now that I have rightfully frightened away all of the mothers with potential maidens, I’ll continue on with my madness. It seems that having a little boy to call my own has proven to be very therapeutic for me. Not that having little girls hasn’t done something for me as it surely has. I now know I will never be able to find my shoes, jewelry, make-up, hairbrush and other coveted female items. If I didn’t have girls, I would have never known how important it is to hide everything important! Even as great a revelation as this is, insert sarcastic grin here, having a little man in my life has certainly made it complete. I could have never known what I was missing had my “little brother bear” not greeted me 19 months ago. He was indeed a surprise and yet, the best surprise of all of our lives. This much is agreed upon in my home.Teague, affectionately called Teaguers, is so petite; he’s not even on the National growth charts. He’s just a tiny fellow with his sky blue eyes being the biggest feature on him. He’s just precious, through and through. When I think of any other female coming into his life and snatching him out of my mommy-claws, I just get all crazy inside! Perhaps it’s because at this point in his life, I am the center of his universe. He’s so affectionate and loving. I could have never imagined that something that is fueled by testosterone could be so soft and loving. That boy has stolen my heart. He’s stolen all of our hearts, really. I was so afraid that the girls would feel left out or that I favored Teague because he was the boy AND the baby, at that. I suppose when I would say, “I have chosen Teague to receive all the spoils,” I may have been planting a jealous seed there. Perhaps that was a bit over the top, eh? But, despite my elaborate lavishing of affection and praise on the little guy, the girls quickly identified him as the favorite as well. So, I suppose it’s alright to have a favorite as long as he’s EVERYONE’S favorite. And indeed he is.When I hold Teague, all folded up in my lap, bullfrog-belly and all, I think about how he will grow up one day, despite his current tiny frame. And he will have friends and interests and I will not be the center of his universe anymore. Then I realize how psychotic that sounds and think to punch the shrink’s number, which I have on speed-dial, by the way. No, seriously, I think about how closely I hold this baby boy to my heart and how difficult it is going to be to see him grow older. It doesn’t seem as daunting to me with my girls for some reason. I’m not sure why this is but, since the boy, I have been much more emotional about the natural course of life taking place, thus, my Teaguers becoming a man. I am excited for the man he will be, just not too excited about the fact that it means he will never be my little boy anymore. I am trying to cherish every moment with him. I know they are fleeting. I know it goes faster, the older they get. I know all these things very well by now and it offers me no consolation. It only feeds that part of me that wants to hold him longer, squeeze him tighter, kiss him more often, and all that sappy-sweet stuff you can’t do later on because they smell like body odor or something worse. I pray I will treasure every second as it comes to me. I hope that I can somehow fill up the part of my heart that he holds, with so many tender moments that there couldn’t possibly be any room for regret. I want to love him enough now so that I can endure when he is no longer mine; when he belongs to the beautiful woman he will marry one day. Note to self: retract mommy-claws and love baby boy for the moment you are in.